It's Been Five Years
by unnoticedshadow
Summary: What happens when Danny reacts the wrong way and it brings old memories to the surface for Lindsay? How will it affect their relationship?
1. The Start

**A/N: Here is a new story. I planned to write and upload it this time last week, but last Saturday morning my younger sister had a seizure and was rushed to hospital, so obviously, my mind was on other things. But here it is!**

**Just be aware that some language may be a bit English, because I am trying to use American terms, but, after all, I am a full-blooded English! So just bear with me!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own, wish I did!**

* * *

Lindsay was testing some evidence for blood in the layout room with her boyfriend Danny, when her cell phone rang. She picked it up, looked at the caller ID, shot a cautious glance at Danny, and then answered her phone. Danny tried to continue working, but couldn't help eavesdropping on Lindsay's end of the conversation:

"_Monroe."_

"_Hi Detective Andrews."_

She giggled nervously.

"_Alright. Hiya Morgan."_

"_Yes, I know."_

"_Yes."_

She shot a nervous glance over her shoulder at Danny, who pretended to be engrossed in his work. Satisfied, she turned back and continued her conversation.

"_Yes, he is."_

Danny was curious now. Who was she on the phone to? He didn't know anyone called Detective Andrews, and he didn't remember partnering him on any cases they had. Then he had an awful thought, that he tried to dismiss from his mind, but remained there, niggling at him. Taunting him. Could she be cheating on him? Is that why she didn't want to go out to dinner with him? Why is she dating him now? How could he not have noticed? He continued listening to the conversation worriedly.

"_No."_

Lindsay said it so forcefully, that Danny nearly jumped in surprise, but he started getting nervous when he carried on listening.

_"I've told you before Morgan. I am not telling Danny. It would kill him to know what I did. What I'm doing."_

Danny, by now, was really worried. Could she really be cheating on him? Then his worst fears seemed to be confirmed.

"_I won't tell him Morgan. I thought we agreed that this would be a secret. Just you and me."_

"_Yes, I know I told Stella, but that's different. She's a woman, and she reacted differently to how Danny will if I tell him. I've got to go."_

She put down the phone and turned back to Danny, who had a thunderous look in his eyes. Lindsay felt herself starting to tremble, and refused to let herself remember. But what happened next terrified her. Danny approached her, fists clenched, and said slowly, "I'm going to ask you this once. Are you cheating on me?"

Lindsay continued to shake as she tried to back herself into a corner. But Danny continued to follow her.

"N-N-N-No," she stuttered.

"Are you absolutely sure?" he asked her.

"Y-Y-Yes, I'm s-s-s-sorry." She then tried to get past Danny, and in her haste to get out, she nearly ran into Stella.

"Hey kiddo, what's the matter?" she asked gently, but Lindsay threw one last terrified look at Danny and scarpered, presumably to the locker room.

"What did you do to her?" asked Stella angrily. To her, Lindsay was like a little sister, and would do anything to try and protect her.

"I heard her talking to some guy called Detective Andrews, and, well, I think she might be cheating on me."

Stella looked confused. "Detective Andrews?"

"Yeah," he replied. "Why?"

Stella glanced down at her watch to see what the date was, and then swore under her breath. "Oh no. Danny, you idiot! Lindsay wasn't cheating on you! In fact, it was quite the opposite. She doesn't have any explaining to do. In fact, you should be apologising to her, okay?"

Danny frowned. "Why?" he asked, confused.

"That's for Lindsay to tell you, if she's ready, okay? But don't push her. She's in the locker room. I'll cover for you both if Mac comes looking for you."

Danny nodded, and headed off to the locker room.

* * *

"Lindsay?" he asked, as he cautiously entered the room, causing Lindsay to look up quickly and start looking for a way to escape.

"Hey, Linds, slow down, please?" Danny tried to reach out for her, but she just drew herself back quickly. Danny took the hint and sat down on one end of the bench, leaving Lindsay enough room to sit as near or far from him as she wanted. Lindsay sat down not too far away, but just out of Danny's reach. She was obviously scared, and Danny didn't know why.

"What was the conversation about earlier?" he asked, and Lindsay immediately responded, saying, "I'm not cheating on you."

Danny nodded, so Lindsay relayed the conversation to him, and suddenly things seemed a bit clearer.

* * *

"_Monroe."_

**"Hi Lindsay."**

"_Hi Detective Andrews."_

**"Now, how many times have I told you? You don't live in Montana anymore. You can call me Morgan now."**

"_Alright. Hiya Morgan."_

**"It's been five years exactly now."**

"_Yes, I know."_

"**Do you keep thinking about what happened?"**

"_Yes."_

"**Why are your answers so short? Is Danny there?"**

"_Yes, he is."_

**"Have you told him yet?"**

"_No."_

**"Why not? You can trust him."**

_"I've told you before Morgan. I am not telling Danny. It would kill him to know what I did. What I'm doing."_

**"Yeah, and it would kill him even more to be hearing this conversation and not know what you're talking about."**

"_I won't tell him Morgan. I thought we agreed that this would be a secret. Just you and me."_

"**And Stella. Don't forget you told Stella."**

"_Yes, I know I told Stella, but that's different. She's a woman, and she reacted differently to how Danny will if I tell him. I've got to go."_

* * *

Danny felt awful. Whatever they were talking about must have been extremely painful for her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked carefully, to which Lindsay nodded, and took a deep breath, preparing to relive, once again, the worst year of her life.

A/N: I was going to make this a one-shot, but I'm too tired to do the next bit justice, so, depending on how many reviews I get, I might finish it off in another chapter, but you'll all have to review for that to happen! (HINT HINT!)

**HeeHee!**


	2. What Happened

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in ages, but since my last update, my little sister had two more seizures and was diagnosed with Epilepsy. I've decided to post now because I have a GCSE exam on Tuesday, and it's my birthday Wednesday, so I don't know when I will be able to update otherwise. Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

"Okay," started Lindsay. "This is what my life was like in Montana."

"Imagine a 13 year old student. She had friends, family, pets, but no boyfriend. She didn't mind though. She was happy being single. Until she met Charlie."

"Her and Charlie quickly became best friends, and then, when she was 15, Charlie asked her to the high school prom. As more than friends. She accepted. She was over the moon, and told everyone she knew."

"Anyway, prom went great, they had their first kiss, and their relationship went from strength to strength. They would spend every waking minute together, going to the cinema, having dinner together, going on road trips to California as they got older. They were in love with each other, and at the tender age of nineteen they bought a small house on the outskirts of Bozeman. It was the perfect life."

"And it was about to get even better. On her 21st birthday, both her family and Charlie's family were at a family restaurant, Chiquito's **(This is a British restaurant, but I'm pretending that there's one in America. I don't own it)**. It was a Mexican restaurant and the food was exquisite. They were all toasting her birthday, when Charlie suddenly got out of his chair, and down on one knee. He then said, _I love you more than the moon, Sun and stars. You are the light of my life, and I will love you forever. So please make my world shine brightly forever more, and marry me._

"She was overjoyed, and, of course, accepted straight away. That night, they went home, and she lost her virginity to him. It was a special night. One that she would never forget for more than one reason."

"They had agreed straight away that they wanted a quick wedding, so, five weeks later, they got married in a small picturesque church. All their friends and family were there, and the ceremony was beautiful and touching. They both wrote their own vows, and by the end of it, there wasn't a dry eye there. Everyone was crying, and everyone believed that they were a match made in heaven."

"However, she had been feeling weird for a couple of weeks now, but didn't want to say anything in case they had to postpone the wedding. But when she found herself throwing up a week later, she decided to tell Charlie, who took her to the doctors straight away."

"They were in for a shock. When she described her morning symptoms to the doctor, the doctor did a blood test. When she came back, she revealed the pregnancy. It turned out that they had conceived on the night that she had first lost her virginity. The couple were over the moon, and rightly so."

"They had decided from before the wedding that they would wait for about six months before they went on their honeymoon, but when they found out about the pregnancy, they decided that they should wait until the baby was born."

"They pregnancy went without a hitch, but then she went into labour five weeks early. The couple were terrified, and as soon as the birth had finished, the baby was put into an incubator. The couple named her Amanda, Am for short. However, when Am was able to come out of hospital, her mother was still in there, as the trauma of the premature birth had caused the mother to become seriously ill. Charlie had to look after Am, until her mother could come out of hospital four months later."

"That's when things started to go wrong."

"Charlie had been so scared about what had happened to both Am and her mother, he wouldn't let them out of the house alone. She didn't consider it as anything wrong, or to be worried about, but then it started to become more of a problem."

"It started getting more serious just after Am turned one. Her mother wanted to go back to work part time, but Charlie wouldn't allow it. They had blazing rows, but she wouldn't back down."

"That's when he hit her for the first time."

"She didn't understand what had happened. She was so shocked, and so, so, scared. But things were gradually going to get worse."

"Over the next three years, Charlie managed to bring her contact with the outside world to a minimum, until eventually, she was a prisoner in her own home. Am didn't suspect anything. Everything was always 'great' when she was around, and Charlie always took her out and about, and to feed the ducks. But whenever Am asked why mommy couldn't go too, Charlie always said that she 'needed some mommy time', and that she might come out next time. But she never did."

"She probably would have fought back more, but Charlie would always make sure that she didn't, by using whatever means he thought were necessary. That meant kicking, punching, slapping, scratching, biting. Once, he managed to slash her thigh with a kitchen knife. Thankfully, Am never saw any of this."

"Until that one fateful day, just before Am's fourth birthday. Charlie had been out drinking, leaving his wife with Am. They were chatting about what she wanted to do to celebrate her birthday, and where she wanted to go to eat. Did she want balloons? What kind of birthday cake did she want? All that sort of stuff. Then Charlie came in, drunk out of his head. Wielding a gun."

"Charlie walked forward, and grabbed Am by the arm, and shoved her into the living room. Am started to cry in fear, but Charlie didn't listen to her, nor to the pleas of his wife to calm down and to talk it out when he was sober, like responsible adults. But Charlie still wouldn't listen."

"He started accusing her of cheating on him. He got angrier and angrier, and wouldn't listen to her pleas to calm down. That was when everything ended. Charlie's wife had grabbed a gun that they kept for safety, and pointed it at Charlie. Charlie immediately pointed his at Am, who just stood, rooted to the spot. Too scared to move, too scared to cry, too scared to scream, too scared. Just too scared to do anything."

"Then he pulled the trigger. He pointed it at Am's head, and he pulled the trigger. He immediately got a bullet in his arm. Not fatal, but enough to momentarily incapacitate him until the police arrived."

"He's now serving a life sentence in jail," Lindsay revealed. "But it's not enough."

"Why not?" asked Danny, speaking for the first time throughout the whole monologue.

"Why?" asked Lindsay. "You really want to know why?"

Danny nodded.

"Fine," said Lindsay.

"It's not enough because… because… because he killed my baby girl, and made my life hell."

And with that she broke down in tears.

Danny was in shock. Throughout the whole monologue, he never thought that she was that woman. He believed that it was one of her friends, or a relative. Or something like that. He felt so guilty.

Whilst he was pondering all this, he heard Lindsay whisper something. He leant closer to her, and what he heard next brought tears to his eyes.

"It happened five years ago today."

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A/N: So, what did you think? I have some ideas for future chapters, or should I just stop now? If I do continue, I don't know when I will, because I'm starting all my GCSEs now.

**Please review. It could be like a Birthday Present for me!!**


	3. Karaoke and a Shock

**A/N: I'm back, and I'm now 16 years old! Wh00t! So, my GCSEs have now officially started, and I thought I would give you another chapter to get your teeth into until I have time to stop stressing out and update. Enjoy!**

* * *

Three months after Lindsay told Danny about her ex-husband and Am, Lindsay was in the trace lab, just finishing up a job. They had just arrested a guy for murdering his colleague, just for a promotion, and Lindsay was given the job of packing away the evidence. This was a very long and tedious job. As usual, they had drawn straws, and for once, Lindsay's luck had run out. So, to pass the time along, Lindsay was listening to her mp3 player. She was listening to one song in particular; one that she listened to a lot and the lyrics meant a lot.

Meanwhile, Stella was walking through the maze of corridors, looking for Mac, when she heard Lindsay singing in one of the labs. Her voice was strong and powerful, and she put a great deal of meaning into the lyrics. Stella stood there for a while, listening.

_I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with_

Stella coughed loudly, and Lindsay, hearing Stella over her music, turned around, pulling the earphones away, a blush rising up in her cheeks.

"Um, hi Stel. Is there something you want?"

"No, I was just passing by, when I had to stop and listen to you singing! It's amazing!"

Lindsay blushed more. "Thanks," she replied.

"You know," Stella continued, "we are going out to a bar tonight. Karaoke night. You should sing."

"Really?" asked Lindsay, unsure of her own talent. When Stella continued to encourage her, Lindsay finally said, "Okay, I'll do it."

"Great," said Stella, then continued on her journey to find Mac.

* * *

That night, they all arrived at the bar together, and found a booth that would fit them all. Once they found one, they sat down, and started chatting about everything.

Then the DJ got up on stage with his mic. Gradually, everyone fell quiet as they waited for him to start speaking.

"Good evening folks of New York!" he shouted, causing the crowd to cheer, clap, stamp, anything to make a bit of noise.

"Okay," he continued after the noise quietened down. "Tonight is Open Mic Night. Is there anybody out there willing to sing for us?"

There was quiet until a few people started being pushed up by their friends and family, spouses and kids. The first five or ten people were a mixture of good and bad, soul singers and country singers, male and female, old and young. Some were singing for a laugh, some were taking it really seriously. There was a right mixture.

* * *

Then Stella stood up and shouted, "Lindsay will sing!" and her co-workers stared in amazement. She had never done that before, as she would never subject someone to public humiliation, which is how it must be for Lindsay right now.

But, to their surprise, Lindsay slowly made her way up to the stage, took the mic for the DJ, and started to speak.

"This song is to a guy who meant the world to me, but broke my heart in more ways than one. So this is to tell Charlie that I am finally over him."

With that, she nodded to the DJ, who started the track. As she sung, she cast her mind back to all the times, good and bad, she had with Charlie and Am.

**(A/N: For this bit, listen to the song, and then read the text that goes with each part of the song. The goes with the lyrics written above it.)**

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did  
I will not let myself  
Cause my heart so much misery_

She was sitting on the floor, watching Charlie scream with rage as silent tears washed down her cheeks, thanking every God that she could think of that Am was out of the house.

_  
I will not break the way you did,  
You fell so hard  
I've learned the hard way  
To never let it get that far.  
_

Charlie was unconscious after finally passing out drunk. It was nearly midnight, and Lindsay was curled up in the corner of the living room, bruises forming on her arms and legs, blood running from her nose and mouth. It was all so bad, but Lindsay didn't know how to get out.

_  
Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid_

Someone brushed passed her on the street, an unconscious accidental touch, but Lindsay pushed him away, and ran, sobbing. Why couldn't it get any easier? Why was it so hard?

I lose my way  
And it's not too long before you point it out  
I cannot cry  
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

She learnt not to cry, and to hold in her emotions. If Charlie saw she was sad, then he would hurt her even more than she was already hurting. Not just physical pain, but emotional too.

_  
I'm forced to fake  
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life_

Am looked at her, puzzled, and Lindsay quickly pasted on a smile, trying to block out the negativity. It didn't work, but it satisfied the young girl.

_  
My heart can't possibly break  
When it wasn't even whole to start with_

Lindsay didn't care anymore. He could do anything he wanted, and she honestly believed that he could not hurt her anymore.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me  
Because of you  
I am afraid

She thought back to before it started. Before she was afraid. They would sit out together and just talk. Why did it have to change?

_  
I watched you die_

She watched three people die that night. Am; a gunshot to the head. Charlie; he gave up. He crumbled. Lindsay; her life was Am. Without Am she was dead inside.

_  
I heard you cry every night in your sleep  
I was so young  
You should have known better than to lean on me_

There were times when he was sober and he needed her comfort. When his aunt died, they would lie in bed for a week. She would hold him in her arms as he cried himself to sleep. What happened to that Charlie? Why did he change? When did he change?

_  
You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry in the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

Some nights, even now, she'll wake up in a cold sweat, listening to the anguished cries, remembering the blood. Remembering the loss. Didn't he think of the impact their daughter's death would have on her? Of course he did. That's why he did it.

Because of you  
I never stray too far from the sidewalk  
Because of you  
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt  
Because of you  
I try my hardest just to forget everything

Some nights, she'll consider anything to take away the pain. One time she picked up a bottle of alcohol, but didn't drink it. She knew what it could do. Instead she imagined it was Charlie and flung it at the wall. A form of revenge. Once she put her gun to her head, but thought of Am and instead cried herself to sleep.

_  
Because of you  
I don't know how to let anyone else in  
Because of you  
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

She didn't have anything after that night. She had lost contact with friends, family, everyone. She had to start anew.

_  
Because of you  
I am afraid _

Because of you  
Because of you

"Because of you," she thought, "I lost my baby girl."

There was a prolonged silence, until Stella stood up, clapping, and a thunderous applause started. Lindsay had tears running down her cheeks from the memories. Memories trapped away in her head.

* * *

As she sat down, a newsflash came on the screen above the bar. It was normal in that bar to quieten down and listen to any news flashes that came on. Especially since 9/11.

The reporter began to speak.

"_News just in. A dangerous criminal has escaped from Bozeman County Prison. Charlie Grilder, 25, escaped earlier this morning. Grilder was arrested five years ago, for the domestic abuse on his wife Lindsay Grilder-Monroe, and the murder of their four year old daughter, Amanda Grilder-Monroe. If anyone sees this man, please do not approach him. Instead call the Police on 080-975-335."_

The guys stared at Lindsay, who grabbed her stuff and ran out. Danny ran after her, and pulled her tightly into an embrace.

"Shh," he said quietly.

"It will all be okay."

**

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A/N: There you go! Please review, as GCSEs are stressing me out at the moment, and I just need to know people are still reading this to lift my mood a bit. I'll try and update soon, but I am revising constantly at the moment.


	4. More Than One Shock

**A/N: I am soooooooooo sorry that I haven't updated in months, but due to one thing or another I just haven't found the time. I had GCSE exams up until the middle of June, and I've just finished a Music Technology course that I had been working on more or less 24/7. So, anyway, hope you forgive me, and here's the next chapter!**

* * *

As Lindsay continued to sob quietly, Danny sighed, and said to her, "Linds, I know that this is hard to hear, but I don't think that you will be safe at home. He could have had people following you whilst he was in prison. He could know where you live, and I don't want you to come to any harm. Is that okay?"

Danny, who was expecting Lindsay to agree with him, was surprised when, instead, she said, "No Danny. I'm sorry, and I know that you're only doing what's best for me, but I don't want to getting hurt. Am was killed by him, and I don't want anybody else who I lo… care about to get hurt because of me as well, alright? I'll stay at home, and if I get any trouble, then I'll come over, okay? But I don't want him to trap me in my house again. I know how that feels, and I want to show him that I am not afraid of him or of what he could do. He can't do worse than what he has already done to me."

Danny opened his mouth to disagree, but Lindsay wouldn't hear anything else, and, after making her swear that she wouldn't do anything drastic, and would alert him at the first sign of trouble, he very reluctantly agreed to let her stay at home, as long as she let him walk her home, which she immediately agreed to, and interlaced their fingers.

She kept a strong grip on Danny's hand all the way back to her apartment, and Danny could feel her shaking slightly, even though she tried to disguise it by pulling her coat tightly around her as if she was cold. However, it was extremely warm, so that couldn't be true. She was afraid, and they both knew it.

Eventually, they came to a standstill outside Lindsay's door, and she was still holding tightly on to Danny's hand.

"The offer is still open if you want to stay with me," said Danny, but Lindsay shook her head, stating, once again that she had to be strong.

Danny nodded, and leaned in towards her. They shared a tender kiss, and when they moved away, Danny took a deep breath, and said, "Lindsay? I love you."

Lindsay stood there for a minute, then turned around and said, eyes firmly trained on the floor, "I'll see you tomorrow Danny."

Danny nodded, and, after making sure that she got inside safely, and then hovered around for a bit to make sure that nothing happened to her, walked home. He could understand why she couldn't say it back. The two people she had loved most had been taken cruelly from her. Her daughter, and the man who was her husband, that had been replaced by an abusive, alcoholic murderer.

Danny turned around and went home, but he was shocked when he saw who was standing at his door.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lindsay had entered her apartment, made herself a hot chocolate and started to watch a re-run of Friends. Then, she switched off the TV, poured away the steaming hot chocolate, and promptly left the apartment. Danny was right; she wasn't safe. Not here.

So, after making sure that the door was firmly shut behind her, she hurriedly left her apartment block and walked briskly towards where Danny lived.

As she walked there, she thought about what Danny had said. That he loved her. Did she love him? Yes, but that wasn't allowed. She didn't want to feel scared of a man any more, and the only way to do that was by not getting too heavily involved. However, She was already involved, and she did love him. So, she decided that she would tell Danny that she did love him when she arrived.

* * *

However, when she did finally arrive, thoughts of revealing her feelings were thrown out the window.

She knocked on the door, and when she heard Danny shout, "Can you get that for me?" she assumed that it would be someone like Flack. But what she didn't expect, was Rikki Sandoval to be standing there in nothing except the shirt that Danny had been wearing today.

"Umm… Danny?" shouted Rikki. "I think you should come here." Rikki was chewing on her lip, as Lindsay tipped her head back, refusing to let tears fall.

Danny arrived at the door, with a guilty look on his face, running his hands through his hair. "Hi Linds," he muttered, looking at the floor.

Lindsay just stood there. "You know what?" she finally said, "I took your advice. I came here because I was scared at home. I came to the one person who I thought loved me. And you know what? I was going to tell you that even though I am so scared of it, I love you too. But I see that you need someone who isn't as emotionally complex as me. So, I'll be going."

With that, she left, pulling out her cell phone and dialling Stella's number. Danny ran after her, trying to convince her that it was a one time thing, and a mistake. However, Lindsay just pulled out an iPod and plugged it in, turning it up to full blast so that Danny could hear the lyrics:

_It's strange to think the songs we used to sing  
The smiles, the flowers, everything: is gone  
Yesterday I found out about you  
Even now just looking at you: feels wrong  
You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance  
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes..._

_You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me...  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me_

_You can see that I've been crying  
And baby you know all the right things: to say  
But do you honestly expect me to believe  
We could ever be the same...  
You say that the past is the past, you need one chance  
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes..._

_You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me...  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me_

_I can't resist... before you go, tell me this  
Was it worth it...  
Was she worth this..._

_No... no no no..._

_You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me...  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me_

Danny turned around and went back to his apartment, where Rikki was awkwardly pulling on her clothes and leaving the apartment.

Once she left, Danny sat down on the sofa, staring at the blank screen of the TV.

Then he got the phone call.

"_Danny? It's Mac. Lindsay's gone missing." _

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A/N: I know, I'm evil! ducks flying knives The song at the end is Should've Said No by Taylor Swift. Please review, I'd like to know that people are still reviewing!


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